Tuesday, December 30, 2008

inikah kawan??

skrg nie...ak mmg dibelenggu masalah..satu demi satu menimpa ak..
ptptn ak mintak naek kadar..xdpt..lpas utk yuran..pas2 balance tngl
rm30..mcm mane ak nk upgrade pc ak..mcm mane ak nk mule wat psm ak..
mak ayh ak akn bg rm200-rm300sebuln..itupn kalo bagi..
masalah per1 ak..ak hilangkn jam kesygan mak ak..dimana jam itu mak
ak bli utk rewards pd dirinya sendiri sempena bday dy yg dianggap sbg
nyawanya sendiri..ttpi ak hilngkn secara x sngaje..n ak lupe ak ltak
mane..ak xtau kalo ade sape trnmpak..@ sape trambil @ sape sgaje ambil
..waAllahualam..harga jam tue..rm500++.. dan smpi skrg mak ak msih
ungkit..dy cite dgn sume..dy maki ak..dy mara ak..smpi hilng tros
pecaye dh..kalo ada sesiapa yg mngambilnye..tlgla pulg..kalo x..Tuhan
tue maha adil..smua prbuatan jahat dibalas dgn jahat..sbb ilang atau
dicuri begini ak menderita..@ mungkin kesilapan ak sndri..xpe..ak akn
berusaha kumpul duit..blikn mak ak jam tue blik..baek!!..stakat nie ak
bru kumpul rm100..kumpul lg..chaiyok!!

masalah kedua ak..utang ak dgn poksu ak..yg ak pinjm utk memuaskn ati
kwn ak..yg dy terpaksa gne duit dy mggantikn pfume yg ak xjual..inilah
lumrah biznes..ada untg ada rugi..n ak dh bg duit..tp dr raya aidilfitri
n smpi skrg..habuk pn ak xdpt..ak nk report pd sape?? polis?? ak kne tipu
ke?? ntahla..ak xdpt nk bwt pape..ak buntu..insyaAllah ak akn kumpul lg
rm160 utk ganti blik duit poksu ak..ak xtau nk tlg sape @ tlg je dri ak
sndri..yg berenang pn msih lemas lg..

kwn ak pnah ckp..kwn segala2nya bg dy..dan dy hargai sebuah persahabatan
..tp skrg ape yg blaku..dy mjauh dr ak..ak syg dy sgt3..tp dy lunturkan..
kepercayaan ak pd dy..dy meletakkn ak dlm kesusahan..sedikit pn tidak
memikirkan situasi ak..dy meletakkn kegembiraannya dahulu dgn tidak
memikirkan kesusahan org lain..bagaimana org lain bersush deminya..risau
tntg dirinye, pelajarannye, tp sedikitpn dy xnk cube bngkit & x appreciate
dgn ape yg org buat utk dy..ak kecewa sgt2..skrg nie ak rse down gler..
xkn ada sape yg leh bntu ak kecuali diri ak sndri..kdg2 ak pk..dy hnye nk
gnekn ak je ke..mungkin ini dugaan Tuhan nk bg kt ak..dan ak hrap diatas
ape yg blaku nie..ada hikmah disebaliknye..ak berdoa Tuhan tolong kuatkn
hati hambaMu ini..kurniakn ak sifat sabar..dan ak cube berusaha stakat yg
termampu..ak perlu bertahan utk 1 semester...1 thun je lg..kemudian semua
ini akn berakhir..sume ini akn "over" dan tinggal hanya mimpi buruk yg ak
kne cube utk tdk mngulanginye lg..YaAllah..kuatkn hati hambamu ini..&
cekalkn hatinye serta kurniakannya sifat sabar..Amin..

Thursday, December 11, 2008

senyap??

10/12/08
arini ak jmpe se2org...ak mmg angap dy mcm kwn...coz...walo sebelom nie ak pnh ske dy....
dy cube bermanja dgn ak blik mcm dlu...tp hati ak x pd dy...hati ak pd bf ak....
yg dh menyepi utk 3 ari....ak majok dgn dy....tp dy skit pn x pduli psal ak....
skit pn dy x ksh psal ak....ak sdih sgt3....sgt3....ak xtau pe yg jadi pd dy....
ak dh cube msg....tp dy x respon pape pn....ntahla ak xtau nk wat pe lg....kdg2.....
bile ko dh bg sepenuhnye hati ko kt se2org....dy pulak yg menyakiti kite...kdg2 ak terpikir
skali lg ke ak bg ati ak nie pd org yg salah....ak sdih...teramat2 sedih....
ak sgt3 kecewa....dy xda cube utk dptkn ak blik....walopn dy cbe utk minta maaf dr ak..
tp ak dpt rasekn yg maaf dy tue x ikhlas...dy xda ckp pn...."syg...maafkn i...baby plz,
didnt mean to hurt u...u'll always be my special one...i pmise....later i'll chnge 4 u"
no...dy x ckp cmtue...dy cume ckp...i minta maaf...sori for hurtin u...dats all....
did he really love me...im so sad...he didnt try to get me bck...ak sgt sdih....
rsenye ak gagal lg...rsenye ak ditinggalkn lg...ak dgn dy bru je 15 ari...guz ak rse...
ak tersalah pilih org lg....thnx again for evrytin....thanx again for ruining my life..
wat do i do again to get rid of him....for almost 1 semester....sakit la...kdg2 ak terpikir
ak nie gf dy ke...ak mmg kuat cemburu...tp cra dy lyn ak...kdg2 ak xrse ak nie special bg
dy...kdg2 ak rse mcm dy buat2 je...dy x hormat prioriti ak sbg gf dy...ak kecewa sgt2...xmcm org laen...x mcm org cpl...ntah...
ak kne cube lupekn dy...ak sdih...tp ak xtau nk ckp dgn sape...dhla sazana...
ko kuatkn je la dri ko...cbe lupekn dy...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What have I got to do to make you love me

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

Monday, November 24, 2008

haih...sbr je la sazana...

ak xphm npe lelaki sgt3 ego...
sush btol la nk cri org yg ssuai...
yg leh thn dgn kerenah ak nie...huhu...
ak nie jnis cpat melenting...
n ak nk sum1 yg leh mngalah dgn ak...
tp nie laen...sgt3 laen...dy xkn mengalah...
n dy tros akn snyap...
ok..
if ini dy nk...
ok...go on...ak akn snyap...n xkn muncul lg...
n xkn gngu lg idop dy...

Saturday, November 8, 2008

endless pain

today...i noe many kind of stori...which sort...
i cud learn from it...i said diz precious word...
but it seems no valued - "when i need sum1 so much,
he didnt came for me, but sum1 else did"...
but no respon...no feelings....guz me...hav to bck
off...no point...its worthless...juz keep it within
me...again n again...life..life...life...y must we
get through it...evry1 around me...stil life in da
past...y?? y??...n da past...hurts me a lot...a lot
..more than i cud imagine...mama...mama...mama...
im in pain...it was so hurt...i really need u mama
..no..no one..nobody came..no...its juz me again..
n again...n again...God..give me strength..to get
through diz...really big strength..to fight....
EVERYTIN...EVERYTIN...EVERYTIN...ALONE...N BY MYSELF

Monday, October 27, 2008

really damn hurt

ari nie...ak mmg btol2 xda mud...kwn yg slalo rpt dgn ak sblom nie...
yg btol2 rpt...bsame stiap mse....dh jauhkn dri dr ak...n ak sndri
xtau sebabnye...ak syg dy sgt3...ak sngup bwt ape je utk dy...tp dy
sikit pn x pnh pk...ape yg ak rase...dy bwt ak nie....mcm x wujud
lgsg bg dia....ati ak skit sgt3....ak nk nanges....tp ak thn...ak
sbr lg...ape ak nie hina sgt ke...smpi dy bwt ak cmnie...xpnh ke
skali...skali je...dy pk ape yg ak rase...ak sdih sgt3...kdg2 ak rase
mcm ak xnk duk kt umh nie lg....sakit sgt3....mnghadapi org yg lgsg
mke kite pn dy xnk hadap...mcm hina sgt ak dbwtnye...ak sbr je...
ak sngup berkorban ape je utk dy....tp dy sdikit pn x pnh appreciate
ape yg ak bwt...YaAllah...ini dugaan mu ke yaAllah....sdihla...
ak mmg sntiasa perlukn kwn2 disisi....sbb...kwn2 je yg dpt bwt ak ketawa...
gembira...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

pe nk jd nie!!!!!

kbelakangn nie....huih...ak pn xtau pe jd dgn ak...
ak bwt pe je ak ske...smpi ak x pk lgsg kesannye...
ak pn rase skrg nie...ak bukn dri ak yg sblom nie...
ntah ape jd kt ak ntah....ak bwt bnde yg xpnah ak bwat
sblom nie...n i keep doin dat...hey!! wat s wrong wit
me....?? or am i sick wit my life?? or was it a chnge??
or a impact of wat hapen towards me?? huh...i cnt evn
define myself...really damn complicated...
after wat hapen to me....many guys enter my life...
but i dunno which one...dat i really need...
n really sincere towards me...sumtimes...
i need dat sum1 so much...but he doesnt seems to appear
but sum1 else came...dat makes me really cnfuse...
i noe i hav to make a clear decision here...but to me..
for now...im not thinking of any series relationship
rite now...coz im really sick n afraid of it...
today wat i saw?? i saw...my fren...who r really
close to me...doin sumtin she not suppose to do bcoz
of stupid guy...owh God...im afraid...if 1 day...im in
a rlationshp...then this things hapen to me again...
i dunno whether i cud cope wit it or not...ohh God...
so bttr i listen to my father advice...not to in
rlationshp...til i suppose to...
then...im juz trying my best to fight it...being myself..
find myself...and really understnd myself...
~~~~~~~~~~move on sazana~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, September 26, 2008

nape slalo sgt...

hari nie...ak mbace ssuatu yg x sptutnye ak bce...n x spatutnye ak amek tau...coz tiada kaitan pn ant. ak dn dia...
hati ak rase sebak sgt...teramat sgt...ak bpura2 gembira dn menampakkn sprti tiada ape yg blaku...
nape sush sgt kte nk disygi oleh org yg kte syg...
sush kn...sush...yg dpt tue...hargai lah...
npe kdg2 kte dh setia...kte dh jujur...tp npe dy enggan berbuat yg same...
ak slalo kne mcm nie...n ak dh tkut nk bhrap lg...
walo ak cube jauh...tp x bleh...kdg2 ak yg x bleh...kdg2 ak dcari semula dn ak xdpt nk elak...
ak slalo trtnye2..mcm mne kte nk tau...se2org itu jujur pd kite..
ikhlas dgn kite...syg kte...x tipu kte...x permainkn kite...
bagaimana ek?
kali nie...ak terkene lg...haih...kkdg mmg ak ckp ak dh x sngup nk hadapi semua nie...tp ak kalah...ak ttp menerima ia dtg n ak ttp mencari...nape ek...
x ke ak rase yg ak sgt kejam terhdp dri ak sndri...
ntahla...ak dh xtau nk wat cmner lg dh...
ak buntu...ak sndri x phm dri ak...
nape sume bnde nie blaku kt ak...
tlgla Tuhan...hentikn sume nie...hentikn permainan nie sumenye...
tonjolkn yg benar...dan jalan yg sptutnye ak ambil Ya Allah...
aku hanya manusia yg lemah...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

dedicated diz song...to sum1...

Photobucket

I woke up kinda early today
And something told me from that moment
It wouldn't be the same
It felt like you were hiding something
But I didn't push it
I didn't complain or say nothin
I tried to act like I didn't see it
Cause deep down I knew I didn't want to believe it

But there it was, it was you and her
You left your sidekick on the nightstand
And I read

Everything you did, and everything you said and
And now I'm standing here looking like damn..
I thought it was you and I
Now all I got to say is why?

After all of these times that we've tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

im happy now

ak pn xtau...ape terjadi dgn ak kebelakangn nie...
ak bwt ikot kte hati...
ak bwt je ape yg ak mahu....walo terbang jugak duit ak...
tp ak rase enjoy sgt...ak rase hepi...
mungkin disebalik ape yg blaku...
ada hikmahnye...ak kne lupekn pe yg blaku...n ak kne movin on...
dhla lame ak x bwt bnde2 cmnie...gile ar...ak sgt daring...n ak xtau nape...
tp ak bersyukur...Tuhan tue maha adil...
bile dy amek sesuatu...dy akn memberi sesuatu yg lbh baek...
God never close a door without opening a window...
tetapi...dr ape yg ak bwt nie...ak rase ak nie sgt kerdil...
seolah2 x layak....ak rase mcm...ak nie...byk sgt kekurangan...
ntahla...ak cuma manusia biase yg normal..bersederhana...dan biasa...plain...nothin special bout me...huhu...
ak juz bhrap...there wud be sum1 bttr for me...who r willin to be wit me...who cn stnd my attitude...always be wit me...n da most important thing love n sincere to me...

push me away...

actually...i been quiet for quite a long time...
i wanna rite diz things...but i wonder...shall i rite it down...guz...i juz...rite it...hmmm...
u dun mine if i mix up wit two languages...like people say...rojak...
rojak is sumtim delicious wat...

bismillahirahmanirrahim...
ak hanya menulis ini...supaya dpt mereka memperoleh pengetahuan dan tau ape tindak tanduk yg harus dilakukan setelah berlakunye perkara nie... ak cube mengeluarkan idea ak...dan memberi nasihat2 yg sekecil kuman ini...

hidup ini x semudah yg kita sangka...kita bukan slalo bleh dpt apa yg kite nk..kdg2 kite terpaksa lepaskn benda yg blom kite peroleh..demi kebaikn sume..memang mudah melafazkn dgn kata2 kerana kata2 x pnh terungkai tetapi..pdihnye pd zahir x dpt menandingi pdihnye di dlm batin...mmg teramat perit bile kite terpaksa melepaskn sesuatu yg kite impi..tetapi kita perlu mengerti hidup ini tak semuanya kite bleh miliki...
jalan ini x sentiasa lurus...ada kanannya...ada kirinya...ada hitamnya dan ada juga putihnye...tidak sentiasa sempurna...ak dh lalui saat2 dlm hidup ak...pahit manis....memang tidak dpt digambarkn dgn kata...ak mngkin tidak seperti mrk yg lbh bpengalaman...ttp bg ak...sesuatu perkara itu...ak menilai tersiratnya...
melafazkan dengan kata2 mmg mudah...kdg2 kala..ak bfikir...nape ak ske dy...sdgkn dy tolak ak ke tepi...x pnah bg ak pluang...nape msti dy...mmg seksa...tp bru ak phm...begini situasi bile..kita dpt lihat se2org itu dpn mata kite..tp dy bukn milik kita...sakitnye teramat perit...memang perit...
sket demi sket...ak akn blaja menerima hakikat...blaja utk jadi lbh matang utk hadapi sume nie...sume nie ada hikmah...
setiap ari..bila ak troskn idop ak...ak berusaha...stakat yg ak mampu...utk melawan dri ak dr bputus asa...ak cbe jd n tunjuk pd dy...ak tegak kt sini menunggu dia...menjadi tempat utk dia bersandar...tetapi amat menyakitkn pabila dia sprti menjauhkn dri...
ak kne lempang dri ak...n sdar...bhwa ak nie...nothin to him...ak sprti mengejar dy...tp dy mkin jauh dr ak...ak kne sdar...n ak kne trime hakikat...
ak kne move on...biar dy bahgia dgn hidup dy...doakn dy bhgia dgn hidup dy...n dy dpt ape yg dy nk...walo perit...ak kne blaja...blaja menerima hakikat....amin....

Saturday, July 26, 2008

wat i shud do?

hmm...
my conflict love...
wat i shud do...??
i've doin a lot of things...which i wudnt suppose to do...n i wasnt like me...
i dun like it...bt i do it...y...
i dunno...

lets strt wit him...which i cnt nvr forget...
haaa...i noe da truth story bout him...
bt not frm his mouth...his close fren mouth..

it was really hurt...wen we alreadi hav dat sum1..bt dat sum1 lookin for sum1 else...only God noe how I feel...

he alreadi hav me...bt y did he do dat?? it was so hurt...y?
did he really love me...did he really need me..did he really want me...
he said once...
if the person ever make a mistake...probably...he will make da mistake again...

so...he want me bck...after he ignore me...after he gave me hope...n leave me alone...
he said he wan we to be as usual...
did he ever gonna do it again n make me believe all his reasons...
i trusted him...
i believe all his reasons...
bt...
he do diz to me...Ya Allah...he lied...
i cant even imagine it...it was so hurt...really hurt...
who is actually a 'tong sampah' here?
me or him? as if...me here...to him...like a 2nd choice...Oh God..
Give me strength...i've been out wit many guys...bt i stil wish...if he wit me...

imagine..
if im wit him...
then...he met another gurl...he will leave me again...like wat he does now...
wat can i do to chnge him....i cnt nvr force him...im nothin to him...
YaAllah...so hurt...sungguh xda perasaan...didny he notice it...
love is really a risk...which i shudnt involve myself at all...
wat shall i do???
shall i take a risk...n trust him...n make him chnge...i dunno...
i love him...bt we not always get wat we want...isnt it?

all i want here...is sum1 to love me...sincerely..not being force...
bt honest...honest towards me...IKHLAS...IKHLAS....
plz...
dont lead me on...n leave me cnfuse...
im juz wondering...can i trust him....

Monday, July 21, 2008

perasaan manusia...


nape manusia msti memp. naluri utk menyintai n dcintai...
mungkin ini merupakan lumrah manusia...
ak tidak sihat...hari nie...ak mghrapkn dy utk menanya keadaanku...
tp trnyata ak silap...ak trlalu brhrap...tp sebaliknya...kwn2 ak yg bnar2 mengambil brat keadaanku...
ak tertanya2..nape dy bersikap sedemikian...dy mahu menjauhkn dri dr ak ke...ntahla...ak sndri buntu....
ari nie...ak x byk celik...ak tido je...coz time tido ak agak trgngu kebelakangn nie....ak x bleh nk tido...
smlm 1st time ak g gig kami...YaAllah..mcm2 manusia ak nmpak...mcm2...dr yg tersurat ke tersirat...ak rase mcm...ak brada di tengah2 dan dikelilingi org yg dh tiada sifat perikemanusiaan...akhlak...tolak ansur...sopan...xda dh...hilang....adakah mereka nie tergolong dlm manusia yg bermasalah...?
tp music2 itu...ok...ak mmg enjoy...dr bittersweet, love me butch,couple ke..meet uncle hussein...sygnye..butterfingers xda...
mse ak g konsert tue...actually ak dh mule kurg sehat dh...bila ak dgr plak lgu band love me butch...pale ak dh mule pning2 dh....mcm nk pngsan pn ada...coz ak dr pg tue x mkn...ak g...jmpe kwn2 in...njoy dgn dorg tue..pas2 along, john, rizal dtg...lg la meriah....tp ada satu manusia xdtg....ak menantikn kelibat dy jugak...tercari2 gak...tp dy xda....along ckp dy pning...owh ok...
i understand...then lewat sket..dy ajak g minum..plik2...ntahla sazana...
life isnt like a fairytales as u wish for...its not easy to be love by sum1 we love...
ak kne blaja menjadi sorg yg lbh penyabar n matang...
juz ko pk 1 je saz....ko idop utk mati...ko kne hadapi sume yg ko nk...
ari nie...kwn ak peluk ak...n cry kt ak...dy memp masalah dlm hubungn dy...
ak xtau nk bg respon ape...ak pn bergolak gak nie...i wish i cud help...but i cud juz listen...
love...is hapen...when u willing to sacrifice n accept da truth...bt to be love by the one we love is evrytin....
hmmm...guz dat only for now...im not well....my nose...huh...feel like wanna replace it with jessica alba nose..hakhak...
thank u to all my fren...love y all...thanks coz make my life colourful...

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Tuhanku....

Ya Allah.....Ya Tuhanku....
Hamba-Mu yang lemah ini memohon keampunan-Mu....
Sesungguhnya aku dah x mampu nk hadapi dugaan-Mu Ya Allah.....Aku dah x larat Ya Allah....aku sgt lemah...nape ak lemah...bgla ak kekuatan Ya Allah...
Hari ini...aku lihat dia dihadapanku...di depan mataku...
sesungguhnya memang hati aku tidak mampu....dy memperlakukan seolah2 aku tidak wujud...
hati aku sgt sakit....teramat.......Ya Allah....berikanlah aku kekuatan....
berikanlah aku kekuatan.....aku cube thn air mata...thn skjap...smpi ke rumahku...akhirnya...aku smpi...dan aku lepaskan segala2nya...sbr sazana..

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

simplylifesarah: Tak mati dek keji,Tak hidup dek puji

simplylifesarah: Tak mati dek keji,Tak hidup dek puji

kesabaran + pengorbanan ??

sakit kan...apabila kita meneruskan hidup...dgn kekosongan...kesunyian...
kadang2 kita kuat utk mengatasi semua itu....tetapi...kadang2 kita kalah...
hari ini...aku dapat tau...dia dh blik mlaka...tp bukn dr mulutnya sndri....drp kwn2nya....xpe...ak masih sbr...setelah byk msg yg ak anta....di hp di frenster...hanya 1 je jwpn yg ak dpt...di msg frenster...dia kte...dia sedang mcari keje n mcari dirinya sndri...dan dia akn jmpe ak utk menjelaskn semua...adakah ia berita buruk atau berita baik? Oh Tuhan, kuatkan la hati hamba-Mu ini...aku akn tngu...dgn sabar...aku takut aku x kuat...kkdg kita sngup mjadi bodoh kn....demi cinta...ak pn xtau kenapa...kerana ak sunyi? kerana ak perlukan seseorang yg sntiasa disamping ak? ak x mngerti...apa yg ak cri sbnrnye dlm hidup ini...setiap manusia ingin mencintai dan dicintai....begitu juga aku...aku x faham knape manusia tidak pernah mensyukuri dgn nikmat yg dikurniakan...bila kita dicintai oleh seseorg, kita tidak pernah bpuas hati kerana kita memaksa diri kita utk mencintai...tetapi pabila kita mencintai seseorang itu sedalam2nya...kita tidak mendapatinya semula...disinikah sepatutnya diselitkan kesabaran...pasrah...pengorbanan...aku x mngerti...bila aku tgk cite ayat-ayat cinta...betapa dalamnye cinta...dan pengorbanan...kkdg ak kuat...utk menerima semua ini...tetapi...ak lemah blik...ak harus igat yg ada manusia lbih menerima dugaan-Nya yg lbih hebat dr yg ak trime...Ya Allah...kuatkn hati hambamu ini...aku hamba-Mu yg lemah...Amin...

Ayat-Ayat Cinta

Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segar sang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku di antara
Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekadar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung
Kupertaruhkan

Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu

Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

Sunday, July 6, 2008

life will never end....

life isn't easy as u think...we will never solve this complicated puzzles...even the smarter one...tonight...i shed a tears again...i was so weak...as 1 of Allah creations...i can't nvr run from all His challenge...i cannot hide...or remain silence...or sit...or wait...but i have to face it...i will beg for His mercy...forgiveness...strength...to continue living under His guidance...i remember...once my fren said...Allah will never close a door without opening a window...n also..."Allah tidak akan memberi sesuatu dugaan itu kepada hamba-Nya, jika Dia tahu hamba-Nya tidak dapat melaluinya..."

when i look into the sea...the sky...the nature...it give me 1 feeling...calm...which..human been searchin...
i cn feel the wind blow...it touches my skin...softly...gentle...n whispered to me..."jgn menangis lg sazana"..."awk kuat sazana"..."sy disini sazana...ketika awk memerlukn sy"...when i see the forest..i saw...there's a lot of things i didnt discover yet...it is juz too many...it was so wide...so big...so far...farther than u think...farther than u imagine...when u feel the fountain...u touch the water....it give u a new life...give u a new hope...freshness...the sound of the dropping water...telling u...when u failed...u falled...but there are many.. wishes to help u...to be there for u...dun losing ur hope....n finally u will meet the sea....the sea...is one of ur long path...to meet the 7 seven seas...u need to face the wave then the 'tide'..consider...as ur challenge...n along journey...u will meet many island...see the people...see the human...their interaction wit nature....n when u finally meet the 7 seas...u win...but u cant always win...can't always be at the top...there are many...trying to compete ur success..

this life journey never ending....we have to be strong...to keep on living...even there was no hope...even its hurt...even u feel the pain in ur chest...but u...as a normal human being...u r not like a wind...a sea...a forest...a sky...a fountain...u juz wish to be like them...but they...have their own challenge...which might not been thinking like the way u are...cn u ever face it...the way they face it...no...but we can do more...we can...with our own way...we are human...we have brain...brain make us think...wisely...deciding..wat s da best for us...the positive of yin and the negative of yang...sumtims it worth to cry...as many as u want...coz it makes u a stronger person..than u can ever imagine...u never afraid to loose..u never afraid to fall...coz u noe...there is always a way...a hope...to make u stand again..once u looses ur hope...remember one thing sazana...Allah will always be there for u...cry to Him...He will hear...He is ur true love...He never runaway frm u...He saw u crying...He hear u laughing...He love u...Whenever u feel u are alone...u never alone...Allah with u...be strong sazana...there will always hope for u...one day...u never know...went...but one day...be patience sazana...be patience...pray n always pray...dun looses hope...keep collecting ur dreams again...even it lost...search it back...mayb it stay along the sidewalk...or mayb it was at the side of the drain...but it will never be in a trash...it will never be...never sazana...search it...dun give up...collect it bck...n sure...u will get ur strength back...

Friday, July 4, 2008

complicated...isnt it??

it was hurt...when we waited for sum1 to fill our loneliness...but it turn out to be nothin..i've waited for him...but he remains silence...wat am i to him...?am i really he need...love is always hurt...when we found sum1...which complete us..it didnt turn out to be the love we wanted too...til today 3rd of july...he remains silence...n i've been wondering...do he ever think of me...once...once...did ever?
when i think bck wat he do to me...it makes me shed a tears...y did he do diz?he dun love me?he afraid?he running away frm me?he found a new love?he afraid of the risk?or he...bored wit me?
as he remains silence...i was silence too...coz im afraid if im disturbin him...i juz let God decide evrytin...im juz tired...of this hurtin love...i juz dunno wat to do...or wat he felt towards me...it doesnt seems clearly..n dat really hurts..when i follow my emotion, i wanted him...to tell da truth...whether...he like me or not..if he fall for another girl..he shud tell me...coz i hate being lied or being cheated..i've been cheated..many times..n it is really hurt...when i misses him...i see his picture...i read all his messages...but y..he do this to me...do he really love me...God...Please help me...sumtims i wonder...am i anything to him...or am i burden him....wit my emotion...i juz wanna be wit him all the time..that's all..was im wrong...i want to share evrytin wit him...tears...laugh...problems...everything...Oh God...please let me see it clearly...now...is wat im hanging to...only one....so keep on being patience...waiting for him to come to me...even when the message says...hello...its enough for me...praying to God...wish this suffer end...with hepiness and laughter...i dunno wat God decide for me...n i know God love me as i love Him...so...He decide for us...wat is the better for all the livings...its better for me...to be patience...patience is the key here...doing my stuff, my work, my study...as hard as it cud be...achieve my ambition...even he was not at my side...juz pray...mayb 1 day...he will realize...im waiting for him...right here..wish he cud grab me...hug me...n we shed the tears together...and i hav to be strong to face it...
"the more tears were shed for a finished story rather than an unfinished one.." says Truman Capote.

why do girls are having this stage of life...which...we gonna feel hurt...even it nothins to boys...before this...i dun even care bout "love"...which...i dun believe in it...but wat do i feel now...its juz..not me...im insane...sumtims i cried...i smile...alone...i wish i cud be like my old days...which is...i felt nothin...im more compete to meve forward...but now...i've no strength to do it...y? why? y? Give me the answer...plz...

love.love...love....wat is love??.

love is always patient and kind. it is never jealous. love is never boastful or conceited. it is never rude or selfish. it does not take offense and is not recentful. love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. it is always ready to excuse to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

but in opposite meanin...when u r ready to love sum1...u must strong n ready to take any risk...it is better to have love once in ur lifetime...rather than not havin any love at all....

Love can be a many splendid thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It'll fool you every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all

Now I was once a fool it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keep callin'
And I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standing in the pouring rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

stab me...

diz early mornin...i get a bad news...which hurt me most...im in love wit him...bt he try to runaway frm me...i try my best to chnge...but he keep on saying he is not gewd enough for me...wat shud i do? juz let him go...it was so hurt when he said it dat way....do he ever think wat i feel when he said dat...sumtims i wonder....shud i give up again...y didnt he try...n try...to get me...y??...did he really love me....??

sadness n sorrow...

my life...damn miserable...all i want is to love n to be love...dats all...i wanted sum1 so bad...but ques is stil clouded in my head...he suddenly running away frm me...eventhough...many times i ask him not to that...coz dat hurts me so much...i was so hepi went i meet him...do he really love me? mayb...diz is my payoff frm wat i done before to helmyazree...im sori helmyazree...coz hurt u...n now i feel wat u feel...im trying my best to be patience n be so damn strong...God...oh God...Give me strength to keep me face my everyday...my exm is around the corner...but me...cnt focus anytin...wat i shud do? God...Allah S.W.T....wat shud i do?