people...im bck...wit more miserable life...

diz weeknd juz over...n so many things i've done...
lately...my sleep time...huh...unpredictable...
my life...became like unorganized table....
on saturday...i juz sleep2...like an owl...wake up at night...
have night life...
until it comes to sunday....i wake up in the afternoon...
and later...sum1 ask me out for lunch....sum1 dat's really importnt
in my life...sum1 i eagerly want's him bck...sum1 which i cud'nt resist...
sum1 dat i cnt get rid of...sum1 who i wan to spnd my life wit....
sum1 dat hurts me...but stil...i kinda wondering...shud i giv up...
or shall i nvr giv up...
bck wit da story...
after havin lunch...we went to my frens office...n waste our time
there...disturbin people...and for da last minutes decision...
we decided to go to ZOO...kinda laugh bck went think bout it...
i thought gonna have my fun...like i use to be wen i was a kid...
but...its kinda diff..lots of things that hapen...ache my heart...
sumtim...i really wish...i wanna turn bck da clock...if evrytin really's
my fault...
juz bcoz of stupid...silly mistake...do i deserve diz punishment...do i?
y is diz happening to me...afta went to da ZOO...i stay in my room...lock it...
no dsturbance...cryin...thinkin....sleepin...wonderin...wat shud i do...
listen to sad songs...wat again shud i do...little by little my heart
wounded...i stayed and lock myself...in da room...no eat...no bath...like the miserable me...until i wrote diz blog
coz i have enough sleepin....n tryin not to look out for my phne...
coz it will aches me...in my thinking...did he ever thinks of me...my feeling...
my pain...did he?? sumone's says...my smile cud brighten sumone life...was it?
if dat hapen...den...shall i nvr smile again...coz i wan to save da smile for me?
will dat hapen? desperately hapen? i dunno wat to do...
wat i feel rite now...is...i wanted to run away...frm anybody i've known...run...n run...n run...no stoping...til i get tired...wat else shud i do?? shall i seek for sickness...so...i wudnt wake up....shall i sleep...where my dream i cud create...shall i cry until it unstoppable...
i know his problems....wudnt he want to make his problem away...juz by spending his time wit me...i've made my sacrifice...juz for him....was it so wrong to hav him bck?? waiting for him?? i dun think...he will think bout diz...coz i know...now he is doin his best in resisting me...am i stupid?? huh...i know...evry1 will be as stupid as me...if u ever want sumbody importnt in ur life...go...juz go...leavin u there alone...with da pain....huh...i know....

senyap??

10/12/08
arini ak jmpe se2org...ak mmg angap dy mcm kwn...coz...walo sebelom nie ak pnh ske dy....
dy cube bermanja dgn ak blik mcm dlu...tp hati ak x pd dy...hati ak pd bf ak....
yg dh menyepi utk 3 ari....ak majok dgn dy....tp dy skit pn x pduli psal ak....
skit pn dy x ksh psal ak....ak sdih sgt3....sgt3....ak xtau pe yg jadi pd dy....
ak dh cube msg....tp dy x respon pape pn....ntahla ak xtau nk wat pe lg....kdg2.....
bile ko dh bg sepenuhnye hati ko kt se2org....dy pulak yg menyakiti kite...kdg2 ak terpikir
skali lg ke ak bg ati ak nie pd org yg salah....ak sdih...teramat2 sedih....
ak sgt3 kecewa....dy xda cube utk dptkn ak blik....walopn dy cbe utk minta maaf dr ak..
tp ak dpt rasekn yg maaf dy tue x ikhlas...dy xda ckp pn...."syg...maafkn i...baby plz,
didnt mean to hurt u...u'll always be my special one...i pmise....later i'll chnge 4 u"
no...dy x ckp cmtue...dy cume ckp...i minta maaf...sori for hurtin u...dats all....
did he really love me...im so sad...he didnt try to get me bck...ak sgt sdih....
rsenye ak gagal lg...rsenye ak ditinggalkn lg...ak dgn dy bru je 15 ari...guz ak rse...
ak tersalah pilih org lg....thnx again for evrytin....thanx again for ruining my life..
wat do i do again to get rid of him....for almost 1 semester....sakit la...kdg2 ak terpikir
ak nie gf dy ke...ak mmg kuat cemburu...tp cra dy lyn ak...kdg2 ak xrse ak nie special bg
dy...kdg2 ak rse mcm dy buat2 je...dy x hormat prioriti ak sbg gf dy...ak kecewa sgt2...xmcm org laen...x mcm org cpl...ntah...
ak kne cube lupekn dy...ak sdih...tp ak xtau nk ckp dgn sape...dhla sazana...
ko kuatkn je la dri ko...cbe lupekn dy...

endless pain

today...i noe many kind of stori...which sort...
i cud learn from it...i said diz precious word...
but it seems no valued - "when i need sum1 so much,
he didnt came for me, but sum1 else did"...
but no respon...no feelings....guz me...hav to bck
off...no point...its worthless...juz keep it within
me...again n again...life..life...life...y must we
get through it...evry1 around me...stil life in da
past...y?? y??...n da past...hurts me a lot...a lot
..more than i cud imagine...mama...mama...mama...
im in pain...it was so hurt...i really need u mama
..no..no one..nobody came..no...its juz me again..
n again...n again...God..give me strength..to get
through diz...really big strength..to fight....
EVERYTIN...EVERYTIN...EVERYTIN...ALONE...N BY MYSELF