nape slalo sgt...

hari nie...ak mbace ssuatu yg x sptutnye ak bce...n x spatutnye ak amek tau...coz tiada kaitan pn ant. ak dn dia...
hati ak rase sebak sgt...teramat sgt...ak bpura2 gembira dn menampakkn sprti tiada ape yg blaku...
nape sush sgt kte nk disygi oleh org yg kte syg...
sush kn...sush...yg dpt tue...hargai lah...
npe kdg2 kte dh setia...kte dh jujur...tp npe dy enggan berbuat yg same...
ak slalo kne mcm nie...n ak dh tkut nk bhrap lg...
walo ak cube jauh...tp x bleh...kdg2 ak yg x bleh...kdg2 ak dcari semula dn ak xdpt nk elak...
ak slalo trtnye2..mcm mne kte nk tau...se2org itu jujur pd kite..
ikhlas dgn kite...syg kte...x tipu kte...x permainkn kite...
bagaimana ek?
kali nie...ak terkene lg...haih...kkdg mmg ak ckp ak dh x sngup nk hadapi semua nie...tp ak kalah...ak ttp menerima ia dtg n ak ttp mencari...nape ek...
x ke ak rase yg ak sgt kejam terhdp dri ak sndri...
ntahla...ak dh xtau nk wat cmner lg dh...
ak buntu...ak sndri x phm dri ak...
nape sume bnde nie blaku kt ak...
tlgla Tuhan...hentikn sume nie...hentikn permainan nie sumenye...
tonjolkn yg benar...dan jalan yg sptutnye ak ambil Ya Allah...
aku hanya manusia yg lemah...

dedicated diz song...to sum1...

I woke up kinda early today
And something told me from that moment
It wouldn't be the same
It felt like you were hiding something
But I didn't push it
I didn't complain or say nothin
I tried to act like I didn't see it
Cause deep down I knew I didn't want to believe it

But there it was, it was you and her
You left your sidekick on the nightstand
And I read

Everything you did, and everything you said and
And now I'm standing here looking like damn..
I thought it was you and I
Now all I got to say is why?

After all of these times that we've tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

im happy now

ak pn xtau...ape terjadi dgn ak kebelakangn nie...
ak bwt ikot kte hati...
ak bwt je ape yg ak mahu....walo terbang jugak duit ak...
tp ak rase enjoy sgt...ak rase hepi...
mungkin disebalik ape yg blaku...
ada hikmahnye...ak kne lupekn pe yg blaku...n ak kne movin on...
dhla lame ak x bwt bnde2 cmnie...gile ar...ak sgt daring...n ak xtau nape...
tp ak bersyukur...Tuhan tue maha adil...
bile dy amek sesuatu...dy akn memberi sesuatu yg lbh baek...
God never close a door without opening a window...
tetapi...dr ape yg ak bwt nie...ak rase ak nie sgt kerdil...
seolah2 x layak....ak rase mcm...ak nie...byk sgt kekurangan...
ntahla...ak cuma manusia biase yg normal..bersederhana...dan biasa...plain...nothin special bout me...huhu...
ak juz bhrap...there wud be sum1 bttr for me...who r willin to be wit me...who cn stnd my attitude...always be wit me...n da most important thing love n sincere to me...

push me away...

actually...i been quiet for quite a long time...
i wanna rite diz things...but i wonder...shall i rite it down...guz...i juz...rite it...hmmm...
u dun mine if i mix up wit two languages...like people say...rojak...
rojak is sumtim delicious wat...

bismillahirahmanirrahim...
ak hanya menulis ini...supaya dpt mereka memperoleh pengetahuan dan tau ape tindak tanduk yg harus dilakukan setelah berlakunye perkara nie... ak cube mengeluarkan idea ak...dan memberi nasihat2 yg sekecil kuman ini...

hidup ini x semudah yg kita sangka...kita bukan slalo bleh dpt apa yg kite nk..kdg2 kite terpaksa lepaskn benda yg blom kite peroleh..demi kebaikn sume..memang mudah melafazkn dgn kata2 kerana kata2 x pnh terungkai tetapi..pdihnye pd zahir x dpt menandingi pdihnye di dlm batin...mmg teramat perit bile kite terpaksa melepaskn sesuatu yg kite impi..tetapi kita perlu mengerti hidup ini tak semuanya kite bleh miliki...
jalan ini x sentiasa lurus...ada kanannya...ada kirinya...ada hitamnya dan ada juga putihnye...tidak sentiasa sempurna...ak dh lalui saat2 dlm hidup ak...pahit manis....memang tidak dpt digambarkn dgn kata...ak mngkin tidak seperti mrk yg lbh bpengalaman...ttp bg ak...sesuatu perkara itu...ak menilai tersiratnya...
melafazkan dengan kata2 mmg mudah...kdg2 kala..ak bfikir...nape ak ske dy...sdgkn dy tolak ak ke tepi...x pnah bg ak pluang...nape msti dy...mmg seksa...tp bru ak phm...begini situasi bile..kita dpt lihat se2org itu dpn mata kite..tp dy bukn milik kita...sakitnye teramat perit...memang perit...
sket demi sket...ak akn blaja menerima hakikat...blaja utk jadi lbh matang utk hadapi sume nie...sume nie ada hikmah...
setiap ari..bila ak troskn idop ak...ak berusaha...stakat yg ak mampu...utk melawan dri ak dr bputus asa...ak cbe jd n tunjuk pd dy...ak tegak kt sini menunggu dia...menjadi tempat utk dia bersandar...tetapi amat menyakitkn pabila dia sprti menjauhkn dri...
ak kne lempang dri ak...n sdar...bhwa ak nie...nothin to him...ak sprti mengejar dy...tp dy mkin jauh dr ak...ak kne sdar...n ak kne trime hakikat...
ak kne move on...biar dy bahgia dgn hidup dy...doakn dy bhgia dgn hidup dy...n dy dpt ape yg dy nk...walo perit...ak kne blaja...blaja menerima hakikat....amin....

wat i shud do?

hmm...
my conflict love...
wat i shud do...??
i've doin a lot of things...which i wudnt suppose to do...n i wasnt like me...
i dun like it...bt i do it...y...
i dunno...

lets strt wit him...which i cnt nvr forget...
haaa...i noe da truth story bout him...
bt not frm his mouth...his close fren mouth..

it was really hurt...wen we alreadi hav dat sum1..bt dat sum1 lookin for sum1 else...only God noe how I feel...

he alreadi hav me...bt y did he do dat?? it was so hurt...y?
did he really love me...did he really need me..did he really want me...
he said once...
if the person ever make a mistake...probably...he will make da mistake again...

so...he want me bck...after he ignore me...after he gave me hope...n leave me alone...
he said he wan we to be as usual...
did he ever gonna do it again n make me believe all his reasons...
i trusted him...
i believe all his reasons...
bt...
he do diz to me...Ya Allah...he lied...
i cant even imagine it...it was so hurt...really hurt...
who is actually a 'tong sampah' here?
me or him? as if...me here...to him...like a 2nd choice...Oh God..
Give me strength...i've been out wit many guys...bt i stil wish...if he wit me...

imagine..
if im wit him...
then...he met another gurl...he will leave me again...like wat he does now...
wat can i do to chnge him....i cnt nvr force him...im nothin to him...
YaAllah...so hurt...sungguh xda perasaan...didny he notice it...
love is really a risk...which i shudnt involve myself at all...
wat shall i do???
shall i take a risk...n trust him...n make him chnge...i dunno...
i love him...bt we not always get wat we want...isnt it?

all i want here...is sum1 to love me...sincerely..not being force...
bt honest...honest towards me...IKHLAS...IKHLAS....
plz...
dont lead me on...n leave me cnfuse...
im juz wondering...can i trust him....

perasaan manusia...

nape manusia msti memp. naluri utk menyintai n dcintai...
mungkin ini merupakan lumrah manusia...
ak tidak sihat...hari nie...ak mghrapkn dy utk menanya keadaanku...
tp trnyata ak silap...ak trlalu brhrap...tp sebaliknya...kwn2 ak yg bnar2 mengambil brat keadaanku...
ak tertanya2..nape dy bersikap sedemikian...dy mahu menjauhkn dri dr ak ke...ntahla...ak sndri buntu....
ari nie...ak x byk celik...ak tido je...coz time tido ak agak trgngu kebelakangn nie....ak x bleh nk tido...
smlm 1st time ak g gig kami...YaAllah..mcm2 manusia ak nmpak...mcm2...dr yg tersurat ke tersirat...ak rase mcm...ak brada di tengah2 dan dikelilingi org yg dh tiada sifat perikemanusiaan...akhlak...tolak ansur...sopan...xda dh...hilang....adakah mereka nie tergolong dlm manusia yg bermasalah...?
tp music2 itu...ok...ak mmg enjoy...dr bittersweet, love me butch,couple ke..meet uncle hussein...sygnye..butterfingers xda...
mse ak g konsert tue...actually ak dh mule kurg sehat dh...bila ak dgr plak lgu band love me butch...pale ak dh mule pning2 dh....mcm nk pngsan pn ada...coz ak dr pg tue x mkn...ak g...jmpe kwn2 in...njoy dgn dorg tue..pas2 along, john, rizal dtg...lg la meriah....tp ada satu manusia xdtg....ak menantikn kelibat dy jugak...tercari2 gak...tp dy xda....along ckp dy pning...owh ok...
i understand...then lewat sket..dy ajak g minum..plik2...ntahla sazana...
life isnt like a fairytales as u wish for...its not easy to be love by sum1 we love...
ak kne blaja menjadi sorg yg lbh penyabar n matang...
juz ko pk 1 je saz....ko idop utk mati...ko kne hadapi sume yg ko nk...
ari nie...kwn ak peluk ak...n cry kt ak...dy memp masalah dlm hubungn dy...
ak xtau nk bg respon ape...ak pn bergolak gak nie...i wish i cud help...but i cud juz listen...
love...is hapen...when u willing to sacrifice n accept da truth...bt to be love by the one we love is evrytin....
hmmm...guz dat only for now...im not well....my nose...huh...feel like wanna replace it with jessica alba nose..hakhak...
thank u to all my fren...love y all...thanks coz make my life colourful...

Tuhanku....

Ya Allah.....Ya Tuhanku....
Hamba-Mu yang lemah ini memohon keampunan-Mu....
Sesungguhnya aku dah x mampu nk hadapi dugaan-Mu Ya Allah.....Aku dah x larat Ya Allah....aku sgt lemah...nape ak lemah...bgla ak kekuatan Ya Allah...
Hari ini...aku lihat dia dihadapanku...di depan mataku...
sesungguhnya memang hati aku tidak mampu....dy memperlakukan seolah2 aku tidak wujud...
hati aku sgt sakit....teramat.......Ya Allah....berikanlah aku kekuatan....
berikanlah aku kekuatan.....aku cube thn air mata...thn skjap...smpi ke rumahku...akhirnya...aku smpi...dan aku lepaskan segala2nya...sbr sazana..