wat i shud do?

hmm...
my conflict love...
wat i shud do...??
i've doin a lot of things...which i wudnt suppose to do...n i wasnt like me...
i dun like it...bt i do it...y...
i dunno...

lets strt wit him...which i cnt nvr forget...
haaa...i noe da truth story bout him...
bt not frm his mouth...his close fren mouth..

it was really hurt...wen we alreadi hav dat sum1..bt dat sum1 lookin for sum1 else...only God noe how I feel...

he alreadi hav me...bt y did he do dat?? it was so hurt...y?
did he really love me...did he really need me..did he really want me...
he said once...
if the person ever make a mistake...probably...he will make da mistake again...

so...he want me bck...after he ignore me...after he gave me hope...n leave me alone...
he said he wan we to be as usual...
did he ever gonna do it again n make me believe all his reasons...
i trusted him...
i believe all his reasons...
bt...
he do diz to me...Ya Allah...he lied...
i cant even imagine it...it was so hurt...really hurt...
who is actually a 'tong sampah' here?
me or him? as if...me here...to him...like a 2nd choice...Oh God..
Give me strength...i've been out wit many guys...bt i stil wish...if he wit me...

imagine..
if im wit him...
then...he met another gurl...he will leave me again...like wat he does now...
wat can i do to chnge him....i cnt nvr force him...im nothin to him...
YaAllah...so hurt...sungguh xda perasaan...didny he notice it...
love is really a risk...which i shudnt involve myself at all...
wat shall i do???
shall i take a risk...n trust him...n make him chnge...i dunno...
i love him...bt we not always get wat we want...isnt it?

all i want here...is sum1 to love me...sincerely..not being force...
bt honest...honest towards me...IKHLAS...IKHLAS....
plz...
dont lead me on...n leave me cnfuse...
im juz wondering...can i trust him....

perasaan manusia...

nape manusia msti memp. naluri utk menyintai n dcintai...
mungkin ini merupakan lumrah manusia...
ak tidak sihat...hari nie...ak mghrapkn dy utk menanya keadaanku...
tp trnyata ak silap...ak trlalu brhrap...tp sebaliknya...kwn2 ak yg bnar2 mengambil brat keadaanku...
ak tertanya2..nape dy bersikap sedemikian...dy mahu menjauhkn dri dr ak ke...ntahla...ak sndri buntu....
ari nie...ak x byk celik...ak tido je...coz time tido ak agak trgngu kebelakangn nie....ak x bleh nk tido...
smlm 1st time ak g gig kami...YaAllah..mcm2 manusia ak nmpak...mcm2...dr yg tersurat ke tersirat...ak rase mcm...ak brada di tengah2 dan dikelilingi org yg dh tiada sifat perikemanusiaan...akhlak...tolak ansur...sopan...xda dh...hilang....adakah mereka nie tergolong dlm manusia yg bermasalah...?
tp music2 itu...ok...ak mmg enjoy...dr bittersweet, love me butch,couple ke..meet uncle hussein...sygnye..butterfingers xda...
mse ak g konsert tue...actually ak dh mule kurg sehat dh...bila ak dgr plak lgu band love me butch...pale ak dh mule pning2 dh....mcm nk pngsan pn ada...coz ak dr pg tue x mkn...ak g...jmpe kwn2 in...njoy dgn dorg tue..pas2 along, john, rizal dtg...lg la meriah....tp ada satu manusia xdtg....ak menantikn kelibat dy jugak...tercari2 gak...tp dy xda....along ckp dy pning...owh ok...
i understand...then lewat sket..dy ajak g minum..plik2...ntahla sazana...
life isnt like a fairytales as u wish for...its not easy to be love by sum1 we love...
ak kne blaja menjadi sorg yg lbh penyabar n matang...
juz ko pk 1 je saz....ko idop utk mati...ko kne hadapi sume yg ko nk...
ari nie...kwn ak peluk ak...n cry kt ak...dy memp masalah dlm hubungn dy...
ak xtau nk bg respon ape...ak pn bergolak gak nie...i wish i cud help...but i cud juz listen...
love...is hapen...when u willing to sacrifice n accept da truth...bt to be love by the one we love is evrytin....
hmmm...guz dat only for now...im not well....my nose...huh...feel like wanna replace it with jessica alba nose..hakhak...
thank u to all my fren...love y all...thanks coz make my life colourful...

Tuhanku....

Ya Allah.....Ya Tuhanku....
Hamba-Mu yang lemah ini memohon keampunan-Mu....
Sesungguhnya aku dah x mampu nk hadapi dugaan-Mu Ya Allah.....Aku dah x larat Ya Allah....aku sgt lemah...nape ak lemah...bgla ak kekuatan Ya Allah...
Hari ini...aku lihat dia dihadapanku...di depan mataku...
sesungguhnya memang hati aku tidak mampu....dy memperlakukan seolah2 aku tidak wujud...
hati aku sgt sakit....teramat.......Ya Allah....berikanlah aku kekuatan....
berikanlah aku kekuatan.....aku cube thn air mata...thn skjap...smpi ke rumahku...akhirnya...aku smpi...dan aku lepaskan segala2nya...sbr sazana..

simplylifesarah: Tak mati dek keji,Tak hidup dek puji

simplylifesarah: Tak mati dek keji,Tak hidup dek puji

kesabaran + pengorbanan ??

sakit kan...apabila kita meneruskan hidup...dgn kekosongan...kesunyian...
kadang2 kita kuat utk mengatasi semua itu....tetapi...kadang2 kita kalah...
hari ini...aku dapat tau...dia dh blik mlaka...tp bukn dr mulutnya sndri....drp kwn2nya....xpe...ak masih sbr...setelah byk msg yg ak anta....di hp di frenster...hanya 1 je jwpn yg ak dpt...di msg frenster...dia kte...dia sedang mcari keje n mcari dirinya sndri...dan dia akn jmpe ak utk menjelaskn semua...adakah ia berita buruk atau berita baik? Oh Tuhan, kuatkan la hati hamba-Mu ini...aku akn tngu...dgn sabar...aku takut aku x kuat...kkdg kita sngup mjadi bodoh kn....demi cinta...ak pn xtau kenapa...kerana ak sunyi? kerana ak perlukan seseorang yg sntiasa disamping ak? ak x mngerti...apa yg ak cri sbnrnye dlm hidup ini...setiap manusia ingin mencintai dan dicintai....begitu juga aku...aku x faham knape manusia tidak pernah mensyukuri dgn nikmat yg dikurniakan...bila kita dicintai oleh seseorg, kita tidak pernah bpuas hati kerana kita memaksa diri kita utk mencintai...tetapi pabila kita mencintai seseorang itu sedalam2nya...kita tidak mendapatinya semula...disinikah sepatutnya diselitkan kesabaran...pasrah...pengorbanan...aku x mngerti...bila aku tgk cite ayat-ayat cinta...betapa dalamnye cinta...dan pengorbanan...kkdg ak kuat...utk menerima semua ini...tetapi...ak lemah blik...ak harus igat yg ada manusia lbih menerima dugaan-Nya yg lbih hebat dr yg ak trime...Ya Allah...kuatkn hati hambamu ini...aku hamba-Mu yg lemah...Amin...

Ayat-Ayat Cinta

Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segar sang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku di antara
Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekadar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung
Kupertaruhkan

Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu

Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

life will never end....

life isn't easy as u think...we will never solve this complicated puzzles...even the smarter one...tonight...i shed a tears again...i was so weak...as 1 of Allah creations...i can't nvr run from all His challenge...i cannot hide...or remain silence...or sit...or wait...but i have to face it...i will beg for His mercy...forgiveness...strength...to continue living under His guidance...i remember...once my fren said...Allah will never close a door without opening a window...n also..."Allah tidak akan memberi sesuatu dugaan itu kepada hamba-Nya, jika Dia tahu hamba-Nya tidak dapat melaluinya..."

when i look into the sea...the sky...the nature...it give me 1 feeling...calm...which..human been searchin...
i cn feel the wind blow...it touches my skin...softly...gentle...n whispered to me..."jgn menangis lg sazana"..."awk kuat sazana"..."sy disini sazana...ketika awk memerlukn sy"...when i see the forest..i saw...there's a lot of things i didnt discover yet...it is juz too many...it was so wide...so big...so far...farther than u think...farther than u imagine...when u feel the fountain...u touch the water....it give u a new life...give u a new hope...freshness...the sound of the dropping water...telling u...when u failed...u falled...but there are many.. wishes to help u...to be there for u...dun losing ur hope....n finally u will meet the sea....the sea...is one of ur long path...to meet the 7 seven seas...u need to face the wave then the 'tide'..consider...as ur challenge...n along journey...u will meet many island...see the people...see the human...their interaction wit nature....n when u finally meet the 7 seas...u win...but u cant always win...can't always be at the top...there are many...trying to compete ur success..

this life journey never ending....we have to be strong...to keep on living...even there was no hope...even its hurt...even u feel the pain in ur chest...but u...as a normal human being...u r not like a wind...a sea...a forest...a sky...a fountain...u juz wish to be like them...but they...have their own challenge...which might not been thinking like the way u are...cn u ever face it...the way they face it...no...but we can do more...we can...with our own way...we are human...we have brain...brain make us think...wisely...deciding..wat s da best for us...the positive of yin and the negative of yang...sumtims it worth to cry...as many as u want...coz it makes u a stronger person..than u can ever imagine...u never afraid to loose..u never afraid to fall...coz u noe...there is always a way...a hope...to make u stand again..once u looses ur hope...remember one thing sazana...Allah will always be there for u...cry to Him...He will hear...He is ur true love...He never runaway frm u...He saw u crying...He hear u laughing...He love u...Whenever u feel u are alone...u never alone...Allah with u...be strong sazana...there will always hope for u...one day...u never know...went...but one day...be patience sazana...be patience...pray n always pray...dun looses hope...keep collecting ur dreams again...even it lost...search it back...mayb it stay along the sidewalk...or mayb it was at the side of the drain...but it will never be in a trash...it will never be...never sazana...search it...dun give up...collect it bck...n sure...u will get ur strength back...

complicated...isnt it??

it was hurt...when we waited for sum1 to fill our loneliness...but it turn out to be nothin..i've waited for him...but he remains silence...wat am i to him...?am i really he need...love is always hurt...when we found sum1...which complete us..it didnt turn out to be the love we wanted too...til today 3rd of july...he remains silence...n i've been wondering...do he ever think of me...once...once...did ever?
when i think bck wat he do to me...it makes me shed a tears...y did he do diz?he dun love me?he afraid?he running away frm me?he found a new love?he afraid of the risk?or he...bored wit me?
as he remains silence...i was silence too...coz im afraid if im disturbin him...i juz let God decide evrytin...im juz tired...of this hurtin love...i juz dunno wat to do...or wat he felt towards me...it doesnt seems clearly..n dat really hurts..when i follow my emotion, i wanted him...to tell da truth...whether...he like me or not..if he fall for another girl..he shud tell me...coz i hate being lied or being cheated..i've been cheated..many times..n it is really hurt...when i misses him...i see his picture...i read all his messages...but y..he do this to me...do he really love me...God...Please help me...sumtims i wonder...am i anything to him...or am i burden him....wit my emotion...i juz wanna be wit him all the time..that's all..was im wrong...i want to share evrytin wit him...tears...laugh...problems...everything...Oh God...please let me see it clearly...now...is wat im hanging to...only one....so keep on being patience...waiting for him to come to me...even when the message says...hello...its enough for me...praying to God...wish this suffer end...with hepiness and laughter...i dunno wat God decide for me...n i know God love me as i love Him...so...He decide for us...wat is the better for all the livings...its better for me...to be patience...patience is the key here...doing my stuff, my work, my study...as hard as it cud be...achieve my ambition...even he was not at my side...juz pray...mayb 1 day...he will realize...im waiting for him...right here..wish he cud grab me...hug me...n we shed the tears together...and i hav to be strong to face it...
"the more tears were shed for a finished story rather than an unfinished one.." says Truman Capote.

why do girls are having this stage of life...which...we gonna feel hurt...even it nothins to boys...before this...i dun even care bout "love"...which...i dun believe in it...but wat do i feel now...its juz..not me...im insane...sumtims i cried...i smile...alone...i wish i cud be like my old days...which is...i felt nothin...im more compete to meve forward...but now...i've no strength to do it...y? why? y? Give me the answer...plz...

love.love...love....wat is love??.

love is always patient and kind. it is never jealous. love is never boastful or conceited. it is never rude or selfish. it does not take offense and is not recentful. love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. it is always ready to excuse to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

but in opposite meanin...when u r ready to love sum1...u must strong n ready to take any risk...it is better to have love once in ur lifetime...rather than not havin any love at all....

Love can be a many splendid thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It'll fool you every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all

Now I was once a fool it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keep callin'
And I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standing in the pouring rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

stab me...

diz early mornin...i get a bad news...which hurt me most...im in love wit him...bt he try to runaway frm me...i try my best to chnge...but he keep on saying he is not gewd enough for me...wat shud i do? juz let him go...it was so hurt when he said it dat way....do he ever think wat i feel when he said dat...sumtims i wonder....shud i give up again...y didnt he try...n try...to get me...y??...did he really love me....??

sadness n sorrow...

my life...damn miserable...all i want is to love n to be love...dats all...i wanted sum1 so bad...but ques is stil clouded in my head...he suddenly running away frm me...eventhough...many times i ask him not to that...coz dat hurts me so much...i was so hepi went i meet him...do he really love me? mayb...diz is my payoff frm wat i done before to helmyazree...im sori helmyazree...coz hurt u...n now i feel wat u feel...im trying my best to be patience n be so damn strong...God...oh God...Give me strength to keep me face my everyday...my exm is around the corner...but me...cnt focus anytin...wat i shud do? God...Allah S.W.T....wat shud i do?