really damn hurt

ari nie...ak mmg btol2 xda mud...kwn yg slalo rpt dgn ak sblom nie...
yg btol2 rpt...bsame stiap mse....dh jauhkn dri dr ak...n ak sndri
xtau sebabnye...ak syg dy sgt3...ak sngup bwt ape je utk dy...tp dy
sikit pn x pnh pk...ape yg ak rase...dy bwt ak nie....mcm x wujud
lgsg bg dia....ati ak skit sgt3....ak nk nanges....tp ak thn...ak
sbr lg...ape ak nie hina sgt ke...smpi dy bwt ak cmnie...xpnh ke
skali...skali je...dy pk ape yg ak rase...ak sdih sgt3...kdg2 ak rase
mcm ak xnk duk kt umh nie lg....sakit sgt3....mnghadapi org yg lgsg
mke kite pn dy xnk hadap...mcm hina sgt ak dbwtnye...ak sbr je...
ak sngup berkorban ape je utk dy....tp dy sdikit pn x pnh appreciate
ape yg ak bwt...YaAllah...ini dugaan mu ke yaAllah....sdihla...
ak mmg sntiasa perlukn kwn2 disisi....sbb...kwn2 je yg dpt bwt ak ketawa...
gembira...

pe nk jd nie!!!!!

kbelakangn nie....huih...ak pn xtau pe jd dgn ak...
ak bwt pe je ak ske...smpi ak x pk lgsg kesannye...
ak pn rase skrg nie...ak bukn dri ak yg sblom nie...
ntah ape jd kt ak ntah....ak bwt bnde yg xpnah ak bwat
sblom nie...n i keep doin dat...hey!! wat s wrong wit
me....?? or am i sick wit my life?? or was it a chnge??
or a impact of wat hapen towards me?? huh...i cnt evn
define myself...really damn complicated...
after wat hapen to me....many guys enter my life...
but i dunno which one...dat i really need...
n really sincere towards me...sumtimes...
i need dat sum1 so much...but he doesnt seems to appear
but sum1 else came...dat makes me really cnfuse...
i noe i hav to make a clear decision here...but to me..
for now...im not thinking of any series relationship
rite now...coz im really sick n afraid of it...
today wat i saw?? i saw...my fren...who r really
close to me...doin sumtin she not suppose to do bcoz
of stupid guy...owh God...im afraid...if 1 day...im in
a rlationshp...then this things hapen to me again...
i dunno whether i cud cope wit it or not...ohh God...
so bttr i listen to my father advice...not to in
rlationshp...til i suppose to...
then...im juz trying my best to fight it...being myself..
find myself...and really understnd myself...
~~~~~~~~~~move on sazana~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Pedigree - Geneology

nape slalo sgt...

hari nie...ak mbace ssuatu yg x sptutnye ak bce...n x spatutnye ak amek tau...coz tiada kaitan pn ant. ak dn dia...
hati ak rase sebak sgt...teramat sgt...ak bpura2 gembira dn menampakkn sprti tiada ape yg blaku...
nape sush sgt kte nk disygi oleh org yg kte syg...
sush kn...sush...yg dpt tue...hargai lah...
npe kdg2 kte dh setia...kte dh jujur...tp npe dy enggan berbuat yg same...
ak slalo kne mcm nie...n ak dh tkut nk bhrap lg...
walo ak cube jauh...tp x bleh...kdg2 ak yg x bleh...kdg2 ak dcari semula dn ak xdpt nk elak...
ak slalo trtnye2..mcm mne kte nk tau...se2org itu jujur pd kite..
ikhlas dgn kite...syg kte...x tipu kte...x permainkn kite...
bagaimana ek?
kali nie...ak terkene lg...haih...kkdg mmg ak ckp ak dh x sngup nk hadapi semua nie...tp ak kalah...ak ttp menerima ia dtg n ak ttp mencari...nape ek...
x ke ak rase yg ak sgt kejam terhdp dri ak sndri...
ntahla...ak dh xtau nk wat cmner lg dh...
ak buntu...ak sndri x phm dri ak...
nape sume bnde nie blaku kt ak...
tlgla Tuhan...hentikn sume nie...hentikn permainan nie sumenye...
tonjolkn yg benar...dan jalan yg sptutnye ak ambil Ya Allah...
aku hanya manusia yg lemah...

dedicated diz song...to sum1...

I woke up kinda early today
And something told me from that moment
It wouldn't be the same
It felt like you were hiding something
But I didn't push it
I didn't complain or say nothin
I tried to act like I didn't see it
Cause deep down I knew I didn't want to believe it

But there it was, it was you and her
You left your sidekick on the nightstand
And I read

Everything you did, and everything you said and
And now I'm standing here looking like damn..
I thought it was you and I
Now all I got to say is why?

After all of these times that we've tried
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made
I know now you don't love me the same

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

im happy now

ak pn xtau...ape terjadi dgn ak kebelakangn nie...
ak bwt ikot kte hati...
ak bwt je ape yg ak mahu....walo terbang jugak duit ak...
tp ak rase enjoy sgt...ak rase hepi...
mungkin disebalik ape yg blaku...
ada hikmahnye...ak kne lupekn pe yg blaku...n ak kne movin on...
dhla lame ak x bwt bnde2 cmnie...gile ar...ak sgt daring...n ak xtau nape...
tp ak bersyukur...Tuhan tue maha adil...
bile dy amek sesuatu...dy akn memberi sesuatu yg lbh baek...
God never close a door without opening a window...
tetapi...dr ape yg ak bwt nie...ak rase ak nie sgt kerdil...
seolah2 x layak....ak rase mcm...ak nie...byk sgt kekurangan...
ntahla...ak cuma manusia biase yg normal..bersederhana...dan biasa...plain...nothin special bout me...huhu...
ak juz bhrap...there wud be sum1 bttr for me...who r willin to be wit me...who cn stnd my attitude...always be wit me...n da most important thing love n sincere to me...

push me away...

actually...i been quiet for quite a long time...
i wanna rite diz things...but i wonder...shall i rite it down...guz...i juz...rite it...hmmm...
u dun mine if i mix up wit two languages...like people say...rojak...
rojak is sumtim delicious wat...

bismillahirahmanirrahim...
ak hanya menulis ini...supaya dpt mereka memperoleh pengetahuan dan tau ape tindak tanduk yg harus dilakukan setelah berlakunye perkara nie... ak cube mengeluarkan idea ak...dan memberi nasihat2 yg sekecil kuman ini...

hidup ini x semudah yg kita sangka...kita bukan slalo bleh dpt apa yg kite nk..kdg2 kite terpaksa lepaskn benda yg blom kite peroleh..demi kebaikn sume..memang mudah melafazkn dgn kata2 kerana kata2 x pnh terungkai tetapi..pdihnye pd zahir x dpt menandingi pdihnye di dlm batin...mmg teramat perit bile kite terpaksa melepaskn sesuatu yg kite impi..tetapi kita perlu mengerti hidup ini tak semuanya kite bleh miliki...
jalan ini x sentiasa lurus...ada kanannya...ada kirinya...ada hitamnya dan ada juga putihnye...tidak sentiasa sempurna...ak dh lalui saat2 dlm hidup ak...pahit manis....memang tidak dpt digambarkn dgn kata...ak mngkin tidak seperti mrk yg lbh bpengalaman...ttp bg ak...sesuatu perkara itu...ak menilai tersiratnya...
melafazkan dengan kata2 mmg mudah...kdg2 kala..ak bfikir...nape ak ske dy...sdgkn dy tolak ak ke tepi...x pnah bg ak pluang...nape msti dy...mmg seksa...tp bru ak phm...begini situasi bile..kita dpt lihat se2org itu dpn mata kite..tp dy bukn milik kita...sakitnye teramat perit...memang perit...
sket demi sket...ak akn blaja menerima hakikat...blaja utk jadi lbh matang utk hadapi sume nie...sume nie ada hikmah...
setiap ari..bila ak troskn idop ak...ak berusaha...stakat yg ak mampu...utk melawan dri ak dr bputus asa...ak cbe jd n tunjuk pd dy...ak tegak kt sini menunggu dia...menjadi tempat utk dia bersandar...tetapi amat menyakitkn pabila dia sprti menjauhkn dri...
ak kne lempang dri ak...n sdar...bhwa ak nie...nothin to him...ak sprti mengejar dy...tp dy mkin jauh dr ak...ak kne sdar...n ak kne trime hakikat...
ak kne move on...biar dy bahgia dgn hidup dy...doakn dy bhgia dgn hidup dy...n dy dpt ape yg dy nk...walo perit...ak kne blaja...blaja menerima hakikat....amin....