wat i shud do?

hmm...
my conflict love...
wat i shud do...??
i've doin a lot of things...which i wudnt suppose to do...n i wasnt like me...
i dun like it...bt i do it...y...
i dunno...

lets strt wit him...which i cnt nvr forget...
haaa...i noe da truth story bout him...
bt not frm his mouth...his close fren mouth..

it was really hurt...wen we alreadi hav dat sum1..bt dat sum1 lookin for sum1 else...only God noe how I feel...

he alreadi hav me...bt y did he do dat?? it was so hurt...y?
did he really love me...did he really need me..did he really want me...
he said once...
if the person ever make a mistake...probably...he will make da mistake again...

so...he want me bck...after he ignore me...after he gave me hope...n leave me alone...
he said he wan we to be as usual...
did he ever gonna do it again n make me believe all his reasons...
i trusted him...
i believe all his reasons...
bt...
he do diz to me...Ya Allah...he lied...
i cant even imagine it...it was so hurt...really hurt...
who is actually a 'tong sampah' here?
me or him? as if...me here...to him...like a 2nd choice...Oh God..
Give me strength...i've been out wit many guys...bt i stil wish...if he wit me...

imagine..
if im wit him...
then...he met another gurl...he will leave me again...like wat he does now...
wat can i do to chnge him....i cnt nvr force him...im nothin to him...
YaAllah...so hurt...sungguh xda perasaan...didny he notice it...
love is really a risk...which i shudnt involve myself at all...
wat shall i do???
shall i take a risk...n trust him...n make him chnge...i dunno...
i love him...bt we not always get wat we want...isnt it?

all i want here...is sum1 to love me...sincerely..not being force...
bt honest...honest towards me...IKHLAS...IKHLAS....
plz...
dont lead me on...n leave me cnfuse...
im juz wondering...can i trust him....